Friday, November 30, 2012

Small Seeds

Back in 2007, I spent an entire summer working at United Christian Youth Camp in Prescott as a summer staff.  Aaron and I had broken up the previous summer, and I had spent the last year growing in my relationship with God and discovering who He made me to be.  I have to say, working at UCYC was the best summer of my life thus far.  I had found my niche, I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  The summer, however, ended.  I went home, reunited with Aaron, did a year in college before realizing I didn't know what I wanted to study, but I knew who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  Aaron and I married the summer of 2008 and began our life together.  It was an adventure, full of excitement and learning!  And yet... still it felt like a part of my heart had been left up in Prescott at UCYC.  For years, literally YEARS after, it felt like a part of me was missing, and I knew exactly where it was, it just wasn't where God had me at the moment.  

A few years went by, and still this dream burned and ached in my heart.  There were SO many dreams between Aaron and I, I didn't know how they would all come to pass in our one lifetime, but I trusted them to God.  I had asked Him over and over to take the ache out of my heart, but He never did.  I knew this dream was from God, so I nurtured it, though it seemed impossible to accomplish.  I would follow Him step by step and leave the impossible to Him.  

Somewhere along the line, God gave me a passion for family.  Maybe it's because of how I was brought up, my family has always been huge and everyone always gets along with everyone.  When someone falls, there was an array of hands to choose from to help them back up.  Maybe it's because, working in the youth and children's ministry, I had seen what resulted when a child lacked family.  They were rebellious, but because they were hurting and insecure.  They acted out, but because they wanted someone to notice them.  They didn't love God, because mom and dad never taught them.  It broke my heart!  The older I get, the more I realize just how blessed I am by my family.  I decided, when God gives me this camp to run, I want to use it to reach hurting kids, maybe even their paretns and family.

Then it hit me!  This is EXACTLY what my best friend has wanted to do since before I met her at 15 years old!  She had ALWAYS talked about having a horse ranch and getting at-risk kids around horses, camping, and God!  Could it really be that God brought us together to do this?  It's almost too good to be true!  I love the outdoors, she loves horses, our husbands love music, my husband loves art!  There are so many different mediums in which we, together, could reach out to kids.  I was super excited and when I brought it up to my friend, she said she had been thinking we'd do this together too!

Step by step, we continued to follow the Lord.  He called her husband into the Air Force in Mississippi.  He called Aaron and I to The Well in Utah.  In less than a month, we will be in Utah and they will be in Mississippi.  So far away...  And still we carry this seed in our heart.  Still just a little seed, taking in nutrients, putting out roots, pushing up, up, up to the sunlight.  We are apart, but where the Lord wants us.  We are learning, growing, gaining skills, and touching lives along the way.  Our dream may not have broken the surface yet, but we do God's work.  No matter what stage we go through, we can ALWAYS make a difference.  We can ALWAYS reach out.  This is God's will, this is how He teaches us, this is how we are prepared, by simply doing the work.  Though our dream is just a seed, we put our whole heart into the work God has set before us, because this is part of our dream too.

Then at last, one glorious day, this dream will break through the dirt!  It will see the dazzling sunlight and grow and grow.  It will be a huge protective tree!  Many people will rest in its shade, eat its fruit, and from the fruit they will find seeds, their own dreams to reach out and make a difference in people's lives.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Roots

Today was my last day at my job at Little Scholars.  I had a lot of fun, got to spend some time with my coworkers, and everyone made me feel super special  =)  I thought it might be harder than that, but as I went through the day I was just enjoying being with everybody.  I'm a pretty even-emotioned person.  Everyone was there and we were having a good time, no need to be sad.  Then I got off, gave hugs, said goodbyes, and started driving home.  Then it hit me, I felt sad, not going to lie I cried a little.  

For several months even before we had any idea God wanted us to move to Salt Lake, Aaron and I have been feeling like the Lord has been pulling out our roots.  Surprisingly, it actually felt good!  I love adventure, and the monotonousness of every day life was getting to me.  It felt good to have my roots pulled out of the boring and meaningless things they were in.  World of Warcraft, my plans for my life, my job in retail to name a few.  It was exciting wondering what God was doing and where He would take us.  When we decided we had to go to Salt Lake City, I couldn't wait (and I still can't)!  I like Arizona only about 2 months out of the year, and I've always wanted to move to Colorado.  Utah is close enough!

Then more roots started coming out, and it didn't feel so good.  We moved out of our house so we could rent it out.  I love the woman who is in our house, and God worked it out perfectly, she is a blessing to us and we are a blessing to her.  But this was our home for 3 1/2 years, we laughed together, cried together, argued together, loved each other, worshipped God, played music, played with our dogs.  I miss our home.  I miss our dog, who can't stay with us at my parents house.  

Today another root comes out.  It's easy enough when my root is in dry, bland soil.  But this root was in rich, nutritious soil.  Working for Little Scholars was good for my heart and soul.  It allowed me to grow the fruit of patience (lots and LOTS of patience), love, understanding, compassion, even boldness.  This root was in a good place, but it had to come out.  They all have to come out, and the roots that have yet to be pulled will be more painful.

During this crazy and at times painful time of transition, I choose to plant my roots in the only thing they cannot ever be pulled out of.  I will root myself in the Lord, in His love, His patience, His plan.  I will trust Him.  I will worship Him.  I will follow Him, to the end of the earth if He asks.  The Lord is faithful, He will always be with me, and He will take care of me.  This is what I signed up for, and I do not for a second regret it.  Some people have told me I'm brave, but truly, I'm not brave enough to not be brave.  The consequences of being fearful are worse than the fear of stepping out.  Yes, following God is sometimes painful, but it is also glorious.  It is worth the pain because someday, for those who trust themselves to Him, pain will no longer exist.  It is truly a momentary, light affliction compared to the glory to come.  I will be His warrier as He has called me to be, and someday soon, I will celebrate victory, with all my loved ones close, never to be far again.

"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of angel armies is always by my side!  The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine, the God of angel armies is always by my side!"
~Chris Tomlin